Self esteem is something that we all have but in different forms. We have low self esteem because we lack confidence in ourselves and we choose to focus on things that are way out of our inner lives. We focus too much on the shortcomings of our families/parents, we spend too much time comparing our lives with those of others and doing things to seek their approval and attention instead of appreciating the enormous privileges we have in life.
We are not God and no human being is perfect. Those people you are comparing yourself to, just like you, are imperfect. So let go of that perfection mentality that is paralyzing your efforts and preventing you from learning. Embrace your flaws and unlock the potential of unlimited happiness. Experience your feelings don’t suppress them. At the end of it all, all you need to do is try.
Am not coming to you as a perfect soul with no flaws telling you how to live your lives;. just like you, I am imperfect. I am that type of a person who always wants to get things right the first time I try. Constantly I have felt challenged in my relationships because I expect perfection from people in my circles but am now discovering new ways of seeing the world.
I know that ‘life is not a rehearsal’ and that ‘there is nothing like an ideal way to live’ so I’ll be living each day as if it is my last. I have no time to grieve over losses or flaws because life itself is thoroughly broken!.
I’ll be burning the rubber for I know there is a lot of learning to do ahead..
Gone are the days where when we used to receive handwritten love letters on our P.O Box. . We have now graduated to Facebook Twitter, Instagram to mention but a few.We now communicate through calls, texts, emails, picture likes and comments on Facebook and Instagram or the Direct Mails on our twitter and Instagram. This days, it is easy to tell when we have been on the minds of our suitors and also exes. Research states that 88% of both men and women stalk their exes on social media. Through those random sometimes constant likes you get from your ex on your Instagram Facebook pictures, The ‘hi how have you been’ messages on your D. That is for the bold exes because most stalk quietly.
Just curious,What comes to your mind when you get those constant likes on every picture you post from your ex?…what comes on my mind,’this is the guy who finds hard to let go’. People, especially men no longer cut ties with their past lovers. They leave their ‘options open’… you know just in case their current relationship fails, they have some safe haven where they take their solace. This has negatively affected most love relationships. No matter how hard we try to hide it, the truth always has a way of coming out.
We belong to the days and times where people overwhelmingly prefer reversible decisions to irreversible ones. This could be due to the fear of commitment or just our ways of avoiding commitment that we think could be difficult and impossible to undo. It is now ten times harder to tell which romantic connections are genuine and which are not. You have found your ‘one and only’ and have started dating only to later find out that he is the kind that keeps track of all his past relationships and has his up-to-date ‘likes’ on their pictures.
What would you do? ‘Keep your options open’ as well! ara! Disengage your focus from that one person and distribute elsewhere… things that make you feel warm and wonderful inside. Treat yourself to the things you love… it could be buying yourself things that make you feel beautiful… going to places that you’ve always wanted to go or better still, keeping dating other men!. Continue flirting with them and accepting their dinner/coffee dates.
Most would disagree with this but it actually helps you figure out what you want or don’t want from a future relationship. It makes you the chooser and not the chaser!… free and not desperate. It is very hard to see the red flags when there is only one man in the horizon. Before you settle down to a relationship you have to be sure he has what you are looking for in a partner. So, optimize your chances and plunge right into it. Get over those hesitant steps you take after every five minutes, sick and worried, wondering what it is he could be doing. In other words, get over your insecurity.
P.S This is to both Men and women. If you have found your ‘one and only’, have an understanding of their feelings, let go of the flirts with your exes on your Whatsapp, Facebook and Instagram because it will only dilute your energy and focus from your current relationship. Keeping contacts with your exes bruises trust, especially if you are doing it in secret. I repeat; No matter how hard you try to hide it, the truth always has a way of coming out. Good, secure and trusting relationship rests upon a foundation of TRUST
The Maasai Mara is named after the indigenous inhabitants of the area, the Maasai, “Mara” being a Maasai word for “spotted,” to describe the trees, shrubs, and shadows of cloud dotting the Mara Savannah vast-land.
We started the 5-hour long journey at around 7am. One would think it would be a good time to catch up on lost sleep after waking up early, but that did not happen because the drivers were always on their car radios talking about road conditions and cracking jokes mostly only funny to them. We made two stops along the way. One at the Great Rift Valley view point famous for selfies, soapstone carvings, sheepskins and other artifacts which are way overpriced if you ask me. The other stop we made was in Narok town mainly for refueling and easing our bladders.
The road up to Narok town is smooth, but from there up to the Mara, it turned bumpy and dusty to the extent the drivers had to pay the Maasai morans so that they could use the unpaved roads inside the villages. The roads were even worse! We passed over the dry seasonal rivers and forded the ones in season. We were wondering why we had to through all this trouble. But when we inquired from the driver he said that as bad as the roads looked, they were better and 5 minutes shorter to the Mara. This really cracked us up. We couldn’t get the logic but anyway time is money. Our van managed unscathed, but we had to make a stop at an unknown village because one of the vans in the convoy had had a puncture. ‘Penye nia pana njia‘ The Chinese have already set camp in the area, which signifies the promise of a proper road in the near future.
An observation I made is that despite the prolonged dry season, the dogs were really healthy and of rare breeds! This is one which I managed to take a picture of. His name is Tommy. Tommy came with a bunch of kids when we made a stop in the village so that the other van could change a tyre. The kids were very kind and very respectful so ‘tourist”, next time you’re there, don’t just take pictures of them for your social media platform so that your friends can see. Be friendly and twice as kind! Share candies or whatever snack you have in your bags with the little kids!
We arrived at Simba Oryx Camp at around 1:30pm just in time for lunch, but of course, that was after freshening up and doing a little bit of unpacking. Simba Oryx Camp borders the Maasai Mara National Reserve on the eastern side. The tents are permanently pitched with comfortable beds, mosquito nets and flushing toilets.
The tents are spaced apart, with each tent guarded by a moran at night. There is no real fence between the game reserve and the camp so it really gives you the wild and bush feeling. Sleeping to the cackling giggles of the hyenas at night and waking up to the therapeutic view of the zebras grazing in front of your tent is quite an experience.
By just flashing your security bulb at night the moran is again at your service to escort you to the eating area as he torches through the bushes just in case there is a hungry hunting leopard, hyena or lion lying waiting in the darkness.
In terms of food, beware that Simba Oryx is not a growing camp and they will use their food portions to communicate that. No ‘City’ buffets, you eat what the chef wants you to eat. Sometimes dinners were served cold! but they’ve done well to compensate all those shortages by offering a place for good relaxation with polite and hospitable staff.
After lunch, it was time to take the much-needed nap before 4:00pm, time for the evening game drive. My three days and two night- safari holiday had begun!
These are some of the animals that we were lucky to see…
The Lions were many and very busy in their daily activities…hunting, strolling, sleeping and posing for the cameras
These little poor animals with their forgetfulness! It makes them the easiest prey of most of the hunting animals at the Mara!Almost every pride of lions that we came across were either feasting on the warthog or chasing after them.
This year Kenya has experienced the longest drought season and the Mara River was not spared. This was just after few weeks of rainfall and still, the water levels were very low and it looked as though it was not enough for this mother hippo and her little one.
Picnic lunch at the Mara is an experience! The fear of animals sort of disappears as you get mesmerized by the beautiful landscapes and the view of wildebeests, elephants, and buffalos grazing at a very safe distance. we then set our blankets and Maasai shukas sat and enjoyed our packed lunch. It was so much fun you sort of forget where you are and you want to lie down and enjoy the shade. There was also safety in the thought that we were many and you know chances of surviving was high.
We spotted these two fellas fighting. The ‘longness’ of their necks made the swings look slow and not as hard but we could hear the sound of their necks impact from where we were…
We were not as lucky to spot many and the one we did spot looked very confused. Luck struck on our way back to the camp when we spotted this lone rhinoceros. It didn’t like our presence there and so tried to run away from us but the problem was that it was running in the same direction we were going. He ran in circles for a while before discovering that he could actually turn and get rid of us!
The whole experience was an eye opener for me a Kenyan who never takes advantage of such opportunities.
Hi all. It’s been a while since I wrote something here and am back with a rant! I have been in touch with the world through social media Facebook and Instagram and countless times, I came across ….
IF YOU ARE UGLY, YOU ARE UGLY! DON’T TELL US ABOUT INNER BEAUTY. WE DON’T WALK AROUND WITH X RAYS!.
And I have seen a lot of people using it as their status update on their social media accounts challenging the society’s expectations of beauty for women or just trying to get back at someone. But whatever the reason I think it just shows how empty debes people are.
We are living in an era where ‘dark/light skinned, slim ladies only’ is a requirement for one to get a job. Ladies expected to be a certain way so as to fit in a certain job. Especially the famous sales and marketing jobs so as to sell as many products as possible to these ego hungry men. Mark you, most of the times, it’s products that they might not need!
I mean how much more sickening can this get?
Emojis: Internet Sources
First of all, beauty is skin deep.
The definitions of what is beauty are only valued by the outside looks by lazy a$$ men who can’t stand strong women and seek their solace in ‘blonde skinny bishes’ to laugh at their stupid empty jokes and listen to their baseless-useless- nonsensical – nonfactual conversations . Am so sure whoever created the mantra above (and not that I care to know) is a man. A man with small brains hence being of no benefit to the society.
So what will happen when ‘this beauty’ opens up her mouth? What is she supposed to do with it? What will happen when she opens up her mouth and she can’t hold a good conversation or like what my friend loves to call it ‘Conversation imeenda shule’? What happens when your trophy wife is brain dead and got no moral values to teach your children?
Y’all here telling us that beauty is on the outside but y’all get astonished when the Veras of the world pump up their boob, bottoms and contour their body and faces to fit in,,,
and live the rest of their lives dealing with the malfunctions.
Have y’all (men) ever looked inside a woman’s hand bag and see the tones of makeup she’s got in there? Struggling to live up and to look like what society says she should?.
Did you know that 50% of women are not happy with their bodies hence turning into ‘eating clean’ fanatics, ‘drinking yukky green smoothies’ and becoming work out junkies all in the name of having good shaped bodies?.
LIKE SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU SEEN WOMEN EATING CARROTS FOR LUNCH?!
And what are the men doing?
They are at the ‘Tervan’ busting their stomachs out eating nyama choma and spilling ammonia everywhere after drinking all types of/and anything that is alcoholic(s) like their lives depends on it..
90% of the advertisements on our television are targeting the woman. Convincing her of her need to fix her hair split ends, her aging spots and cellulite but what advertisement do they have for the man? It’s how much he needs that beer to look like a real man and the 24 hour deodorant to have all women following him. Mark you, not just any woman, in this advertisements its these self improved women with borrowed hair and part-time facial looks with size zero waist trainers, wonder bra, ‘wonder butt enhancer’ and six inch heel to cream it all.
Aging spots are a No! No!. Growing old with grace is no longer a badge of honor. There are tones of creams products that you are supposed to bombard your body with. Like Botox was not crazy enough, now snail slime is flying off the shelves.
Cellulite are not badge of honor no more for the mothers and the rest women. That’s what the advertisers preys upon. A woman’s ‘poor self image’ filling her mind with powerful and disturbing feelings of her inadequacies and so she buys beauty inform of bio oils, attention inform of perfume, human hair and makeup.
Sagging boobs? Hell NO! The woman is now expected to be super human and fight with gravity when it tries to pull her boobs towards it. Her boobs are not allowed to gravitate..If this happens the urban woman will literally kill herself with chest exercises. If not, go under the knife and get them fixed ‘all the way up’ until next time when gravity catches up with them.
It’s good to look fine on the outside but don’t forget to pay attention to the moral values that are inside you. True beauty is inner beauty, and it does not diminish but only deepens as you grow older. Let’s all grow old with grace and embrace who we really are and not what the society says we should be.
It reaches a point in life where your family and the society expects you to be marrying or getting married. A point where ‘Utatuletea mgeni lini?’ becomes the normal greeting from your grandma, uncles, and aunties. A point where when you attend a family wedding, your long distant relative turns to you and asks ‘Utatuita yako lini?’. This questions makes one want to levitate into the air and pull one of those bravura techniques from the Commando and Kung Fu movies. It’s sickening!
What’s with the society’s double standards!? Yaani, a man in his 50s and not married is considered as a very eligible bachelor while a woman in her 40s is considered to be ‘valueless’? These kind of pressures are the cause of most divorce cases in the world. Where by women end up settling for less just because there is a constant gun on their heads to do something. What you need to know is that, when you succumb to these pressures and you settle, this will only make you more miserable! Practice self-love first. By self-love I don’t mean taking selfies and hashtagging them ‘self-love’ on Instagram, that is just a by-product of self-love. Here are some tools and techniques that can come in useful in building up self-love.
Date yourself first!
Make time to do what you love without worrying about the time. Spend quality time connecting with yourself and getting a deeper understanding of what your fundamental needs are as an individual instead of wasting it on the Internet trailing Beyoncé’s pregnancy. This is your time to just be with yourself. Don’t let your mind get distracted with why Janet Jackson is splitting up with her billionaire husband, who is fighting with who in Nairobi diaries and other nonissues. You need to know yourself and love yourself first before you can fully love another.
Accept yourself for who you are.
We’re all naturally flawed so own your inner and outer beauty. Don’t kill yourself trying to fit in what the society defines as picture-perfect. Be your own self. People can have their own expectations and opinions of what you should be but that’s all they remain: opinions and expectations. When you know and accept who you truly are then you will know what you deserve and only then will you easily be able to pass or pick out what does and doesn’t work for you. My dear, compliment yourself daily whenever you get a chance to without feeling guilty. When you accept who you are, you empower yourself and become surely and truly invincible.
We tend to be very harsh on ourselves, voluntarily blaming ourselves internally for failures of achievement, blaming ourselves for trusting other people’s advice (that took us nowhere) over our on intuition. We end up becoming hostage to our past, for deprecating negative and pessimistic thoughts of ourselves, harbouring guilt over and over again. So what if you are not where you thought you’ll be five years ago? Mistakes are inevitable in this land of the living. You have to learn and be willing to forgive yourself and move on. Forgive yourself for not being perfect, and lift all this baggage off your shoulders. Forgive yourself for not being perfect and for all the harsh things said. You can either say it aloud or write it down to realize that you no longer need to bear the brunt of it. Learn to say ‘I made a mistake’ and learn from it.
Take care of yourself.
During months of non-stop intense work, it is easy to get trapped in the mind-set that you have to do something pretty much all the time. This can add a lot of tension and stress.Why not lie down in the grass instead and just watch the clouds go by? Establish a balance between your personal needs, work, and family-related demands. We are what we eat, said those who came before us, and I believe them. So take care of your physique by eating well and exercising, mentally by reading and learning new things every day and spiritually by meditating or praying.
Even if you land the best husband on the planet, he won’t be able to make you happy and feel loved if you have not discovered that everlasting love within yourself. Build a life that you love while you are still single instead of waiting for your ‘Knight in Shining Armour’ to come and spice your life up.
It Is that month of the year when roses become a little bit pricey and love is all we get to hear about. With love, come sex and with sex, comes the unplanned pregnancies! But before we get to know what is in store for us, let’s talk about sex.
Sex is healthy, sex and love go hand in hand, Sex, just like love, requires commitment. I am not talking about the one night stands, I am talking about sex between two people who are settled in a relationship. Any kind of sexual experience is termed good for couples, but how about taking it a notch higher especially this Valentine’s?
With my little knowledge, let’s see if you are making any effort for this coming Valentines and the more sexual activities to come. I am sure you have had your share of the accounts about sex in the kitchen, sex in the sitting rooms, quickies in the car name it. How far do you go with your hotel visit together? Was it that sex you had at the hotel balcony where you leaned over the balcony through the sheer window curtains as if enjoying the kaleidoscope, gazing at the unsuspecting people by the hotel pool/bar while your man was behind you, behind the sheer curtains doing his magic? Ever tried sexual role play?Where you and your partner acts out roles as a form of foreplay? There are so many roles to play and you can even create your own! You can play your two favorite characters from your favorite soap opera, or famous movie star and the adoring fan, or recreating a scene from your dating days? You have a stripper pole? Fantastic! You can play stripper and client.
It is also very important to glam your boudoir since this is the place where most of your sex is likely to happen. You need to make it look like what it is..a sex haven. Start by getting rid of all that clutter in your bedroom and invest in some good quality satin bed-sheets, One or two mirrors and dimmer lights to compliment the mirrors that will give you that shadowy glimpse of your action’ from different angles. Ditch that ‘Okoa Kenya’ T-shirt and make an effort to get yourself some sexy good-looking lingerie[nude is also okay] and bring out the sex goddess that you are. I know us women have some parts of our bodies that we are not comfortable with, But this is not the time to fret about that. It is time to concentrate on giving and receiving pleasure.
This valentines or anytime your relationship needs a boost, I would suggest you also Find room by your bedside where you can place a CD player with songs that you can use to complement your sex. Scented candles, mints to suck on before giving him an oral ‘transaction’ and whip cream and cherries for crowning all your favorite parts of his body and vice versa.
This valentine’s, feel free to express your love to your partner and create new experiences to your sex life.
Cheating has become a norm among today’s couples. It was for a long time known to be a man’s thing’ but today, women too have joined the band wagon cheating for the same reasons as men, but mostly for revenge. Today, being cheated on is almost like a right of passage. You are either the perpetrator, the victim or both because we have couples thriving in their extra-marital affairs and still ‘living together happily ever after’.
Why do men cheat?
Forget the stereotyping that men are unemotional beings. The truth is that, they are emotional wrecks just like we are! The reason why he is cheating on you is not because he is feeling lonely in your marriage, or that he feels emotionally unattached from you, or that he is not getting enough attention at home or because he’s having more testosterone. His cheating has got nothing to do with you but rather to fill in the void in his empty heart suffered from previous broken relationships.
And his 5 minutes of pleasure (if he ever gets there) is for seeking affirmation from other women because from then(-previous breakup), he will always be highly susceptible to someone serving him up admiration outside the marriage. Massaging his ego is some other reason why he is out there. I don’t know what is wrong with them and winning. Men want to constantly feel like they are winning mostly in bed hence the multiple affairs since there is no single trail on the graph on his performance.
So how do you tell if your man is cheating?
Well, there are so many ways to tell that your man is having affairs other than yours, darling. I will mention just a few ;
Your Intuition! Our instincts as women are very strong, true and more likely than not accurate, so don’t ever question them. If you suspect that your man is being served elsewhere other than your bed, 99.99% of the time you are probably right.
If it looks like a dog, acts like a dog, barks like a dog then it is a DOG!
Change in his time schedule: All of a sudden your man is leaving for/from work early. This is due to the fact that his sidekick is his colleague and the reason he is leaving home early to go to work is to go and get it before other staff members start reporting in. To detect this, you can’t use the text messages because your smart cheating spouse is using work emails and probably deleting them after reading.
Sperm count! Oh hell yeah gentlemen. This is not in so many books, it is also not scientifically proven but still women use it. Dear men, your women know how much honey you got in there on regular basis and how much should be in there when you come back from your 2, 3, 7 days business safari. So when you start your CSR; emptying your honey pot while giving back to the community, and bringing an empty pot back home, your woman will definitely know of your indulgence as much as she would not bring it immediately. Women are like the FBI. Investigating is their specialty. Not unless she knows you go geisha and flamingo on it. If you get what I mean.
Change in communication styles: A cheating man is a very irritable man because he is using it to make you look crazy that you are actually thinking that he would have affairs. Even going further to making you look like the bad person who has no spec of trust on his man. Don’t be fooled by this though, but rather listen to him keenly because a cheating man will always tell the truth cushioned in lies. When he makes statements like; “I know you think I’m lying”, “You may not believe me, but I’m telling the truth”, ” you’ve already made your conclusion so I can’t change your mind”, “we are not going to talk about this again”, “go ahead and think whatever you want to think”, ” you are so crazy” etc., is normally a clear indication that he is lying about his affairs and what he is saying is that you are actually right.
The non-verbal behavior and body language: The shoulder shrug, when he clams up on you, leaning away from you because we lean away from things we want to avoid, turning away from you because he wishes he could leave the room or worse still, him actually leaving the room with a bang!
What do you do when you discover that he is cheating on you?
“Cheat on him as well! kari gani!(what the heck!)”
“Get your looks in order, get your own affairs, line them up all through the week and get served away from home like him, Get home after a busy ‘tiring’ day… kikiki! With him like he has always been doing and just lay there until kingdom come!” is what the modern women are doing. This are the kind of advice’s women give to each other. Women are no longer shy to ‘get’ what they want. They have embraced their sexuality freedom and take every opportunity granted to explore it.
But hold up!
If you’ve been cheated on, acting the victim and leaving your partner to fix the mess given he is the one with the problem will get you no where. An eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind! Higher chances are that, you’ll never get anything resolved. It’s the bitter pill they’ve always talked about because you are the one who has been cheated on and the one to fix it!
Affairs don’t necessarily indicate a bad relationship or marriage and that to believe that an injured partner should be shamed of staying in order to work things over conflicts with our culture and tradition that marriage and relationships really do matter.
“It takes two to Tango!”
To salvage a relationship that suffered infidelity, few things need to happen;
He has to be remorseful.
He has to become completely transparent. This is to mean, no more secret passwords for emails or computers, phones, no secret meetings… Nada!
He has to understand what he has done wrong on his part and give you closure if you need it.
He needs to dig deep and understand what triggers his infidelity. A big percentage of men cheat because their best friends have been cheaters and also because their previous relationships ended badly.
Seek therapy. Its good to get an intermediary from a neutral person. Our parents and friends can be biased at times.
Infidelity has been with us since the institution of marriage began and will remain with us in the future as well. Therefore, it is important to come to terms with the reality and find ways to effectively deal with the humiliation, destruction to our self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-image and to try to reestablish the bonds that brought you together in the first place.
It’s Friday, the sun is shinning, party mood in the air, clubs advertising their happy hour discounts everywhere and they are promising that the week-end will be full of festivities and motor shows. Let me tell you what my current mood is though,…
I’d rather be in my village with my grandma, in my gumboots, the smell of the dung in the air as I milk the protuberant under of my grandma’s cow. Chitchat with her as we take a stroll through the garden checking on the now budding maize plants.